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How women trivialize what they say
“Can I sneak by you?” I said smiling, at the grocery store clerk stocking shelves and blocking the aisle. He gave me a blank look and moved the cart to let me by. Later I thought about that tiny interaction between two strangers. Why had I said it like that? Had I wanted to sneak by? Was I just being polite? Cute? Showing what a sweet old lady I am?
None of the above. I simply wanted to walk by and his cart was blocking the way. Why hadn’t I just said the classic “excuse me?” I didn’t have an answer.
I’m not sure why that particular incident stuck out in my mind, but it did. I couldn’t let it go. For an answer, I turned to the Seat of All Knowledge, aka Google. I searched for “minimizing language” because that’s what it felt like. Turns out I accidentally nailed it. The kind of language I’d used is called minimizing, and women are particularly prone to doing it. My request to sneak by was a form of minimizing. I was implying that my request to get by wasn’t important. Here’s the definition:
Today, minimizing language is quite prevalent. Minimizing language includes words or phrases that weaken a speaker’s message. It entails the use of marginalizing and passive phrases like “actually”, “I’m sorry”, or “just”. Used inappropriately, these word qualifiers lessen the meaning of…
